The curious things in VM's new Ts and Cs

[Cardiffman282]

An occasional series looking at the more curious and esoteric provisions in VM's new Terms and Conditions (effective 1 May 2023). 

[Cardiffman282]

Despite having transferred its complaints arbitration to Ombudsman Services on New Year's Day 2023 the shiny new Ts and Cs falsely signpost to the legacy Cisas service (at V4). 

"If we have not reached an agreed settlement within eight weeks of
receiving your complaint, or we agree in writing before the eight weeks
is up that the dispute should be settled by independent adjudication,
you can refer your complaint for independent consideration through
Alternative Dispute Resolution by the Communications and Internet
Services Adjudication Scheme (CISAS) at www.cisas.org.uk. This service is
free of charge."

[Cardiffman282]

The suspiciously frequent scenario on these forum pages that "It definitely really honestly wasn't me that went through the convoluted process of ordering a pay per view adult film involving a window cleaner promise on my Aunty's life" is addressed front and centre in the Ts and Cs at Premier Paragraph Position A2:

"You agree that you are liable for any charges on your account regardless of
whether you or anybody else (with or without your permission) incurs those
charges (unless the charges result from fraud by someone else which you
could have had no control over). For example, if someone who has access to
your home uses the services, they will be considered to be within your
control and you will be liable for those charges. If you become aware of
any fraud by someone else, you must tell us as quickly as you can. Under
no circumstances should you give your PINs and passwords to anybody
else (unless you’re happy for them to use your account and incur charges
on your account that you will need to pay us for)."

[Cardiffman282]

VM can stop every single aspect of your pay TV services but it's okay as it's covered in the Teas and Seas (at B2):

(1) The television service is a variable TV service, so we don’t guarantee
that we’ll provide any particular channel, or other content, or access to
any third-party services. This means we may add, remove, change or
interrupt (some, or all, of) the content and/or the television service
from time to time."

[Cardiffman282]

Did Yodel mess up picking up your knackered Hub 3 leading to you getting lumbered with an automatic forty quid non return fine from VM that you are quite rightly disputing? Then don't expect to watch that adult window cleaner PPV film as you are still on the VM naughty step (B5)

"We have the right not to make a Pay-Per-View programme available to you if you do not meet credit conditions set by us or if you have failed to pay any charges you owe." 

[Cardiffman282]

Working from home post Covid? You better make sure that your WFH phone use is reasonable to VM (C5):

"5. Your phone number and phone line are for private use by you and
members of your household only. They must not be used for any activities
not reasonably expected of someone using the services for domestic
purposes, e.g. whilst a reasonable amount of working from home is
expected, your usage should be within what would be reasonably
expected from a residential customer and we have no liability for any
business losses you may suffer."

[Cardiffman282]

Don't be annoying or VM can terminate all of your services without notice (G1:2).

[Cardiffman282]

Cancelled your home contents insurance for a bit due to the cost of living crisis and exorbitant VM price hikes? You could be in trouble with VM who expect you to cover their kit at your cost (H2:3)

"insure any of the equipment against any loss, theft or damage for the
full replacement value;" 

[Cardiffman282]

You can pay your VM bills in pennies if you want to (I5:2)

"2.You may choose to pay your bills by cash, cheque, credit or debit card or by Direct Debit." 

[Cardiffman282]

It seems possible to request an "enhanced" cooling off period that is longer than the statutory 14 days (M1)

"We may choose to offer an enhanced cooling off period from time and will inform you of this at the time of your purchase if this is the case".