After a load of hassle getting through on the phone, the agent claims there's an outage in my area (Ipswich, Suffolk).
The online service checker showed something but only mentioned audio on TalkSport as the specifics.
Resolution is said to be lunchtime on the 31st so I suppose I shall have to wait and try then.
A separate agent, via Chat, claims it will be resolved within 2 hours, network teams involved and so on - but it's been well over the 2 hours already... VM seem to make things up as they go along... Since there's this 'known issue in my area' they won't look into things any further. Already asked me loads of stupid questions like check the cables to the box from the wall after already stating we are watching live TV in UHD okay.....
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I know a bit about Wi-Fi, Telecoms, and TV as I used to do it for a living but I'm not perfect so don't beat me up... If you make things you make mistakes!