For the Love of God...Will You Let Me Close My Account!?

Just a heads up before I continue. I will be venting in this thread. This is the culmination of two years of nothing but stress with this company. This post is more for the purposes of having my own proof (however insignificantly credible a forum post may be). I just need to have something in writing published publicly and containing a timestamp. I'm not expecting a Virgin Media staff member to even respond to this post - based on their track record. 

Background (as concise as I can be...I've got the hump so no promises on that): 

I recently sold my home - hence I needed to close my Virgin account and settle up my final bill - which includes and early-termination fee, to cover the remaining term of my contract. My current broadband only package has approximately 9 months remaining out of an 18 month term). I actually wanted a 12 month contract but the trend these days for ISP's appears to be 18 months, so I was forced into it. Not very impressed with that from the kick off. 

I naively thought that after contacting Virgin to let them know I was moving, and then returning my modem after vacating my property months ago, would have given virgin a clue. However, they didn't contact me to even confirm that they had received it or to ask why I had returned the kit. I suspect it's gathering dust on a shelf in some depot in Slough, until they realise or they mislay the box and then accuse me of not returning their property. 

I've tried on multiple occasions for over 3 months to contact Virgin to sort this issue out. WHY does VIrgin make it absolutely impossible for their customers to contact them?

•  The mobile app is rubbish. The "chat with us" feature has never worked. In fact none of the clickable nav options do anything. The website is just the same (as the mobile app isn't even a real mobile app - it's just a PWA). Every available option to cancel your package just sends you in an infinite loop to right back where you started.
• The 0345 number has you waiting forever - I'm overseas on a local pay as you go sim. It's £1 per minute to sit on hold for a minimum of 15 minutes ( call charges quoted from the Virgin media website). I just tried calling and didn't even make it past the "memorable word" step before my phone credit was sucked up and the call got dropped. So for me, calling is not an option. 
• Every email (usually only sales messages prospecting for package upgrades) received from Virgin is a closely-guarded no reply address, in case you get any ideas of trying to contact them via email - like you would with every other sane service provider). 
• The only time they will contact you is when they're bombarding you with harassing phone calls, from unknown numbers, to upsell their crappy products. 
  
  

Now, to conclude. Because I haven't paid last month's bill on time (because I don't live at that address any more. I don't even live in the same country any more). They've decided to hit me with a £7 overdue fee on top of my already inflated monthly bill - even though I've been trying to contact you for months trying to sort this issue out. So you're going to penalise me and charge me because YOU won't provide your customers with a way to contact you. I'm trying my best to pay up and close my account Virgin but you won't let me! 

By the way Virgin, I also didn't agree at the time of signing my 18 month contract - for a fixed promotional price (fixed rate for the preceding 18 month term at the time of signing), to you deciding after 12 months that you'd reneg on that contract and increase my monthly bill - with no way for me to disagree and cancel my contract (without incurring a huge early-termination fee). Very duplicitous.  

If you want me to settle up my account, I've made it very clear here in this post that it is has been my full intention to do so this past few months since selling my home and moving overseas. I am not avoiding my bill. I want to make that abundantly clear here in writing. 

Can a representative of Virgin media please provide me with an acceptable method of contact (no long distance calls please - I can't afford it), in order that we can resolve this issue and bring it to a conclusion. You can DM me via this forum if you wish. I will then provide you with numerous ways that I can be contacted. If however, you ignore my request, as you have chosen to ignore every attempt that I've made to contact you in order to resolve this matter, then I will claim negligence on your part and I will not assume any further responsibility for this matter.

I have taken a screenshot of this entire post, in order to provide evidence for potential civil prosecution that may arise as a result of this ongoing case. Neither of us want that. Please contact me immediately and please let me close my account as soon as possible!

Regards
ND