I was trying to get a better deal, and loosely mentioned cancelling, and the first agent seems to have taken it for real. I don't wanna be disconnected!!
Be pleased that VM are so poorly joined up that the retentions agents won't see your comment, because it gives away the only card in your hand! Your only leverage is the extent to which an agent believes you can and will leave. The deal you then get offered depends on luck (see next paragraph). Don't believe that "loyalty", "fairness" or how long you've been a customer play any part. Don't be distracted by the agent prattling on about the VM speed advantage, or offering benefits that don't have a real cash value to you (eg a monthly SIM at no extra charge is of no value unless you've got another mobile deal you can cancel without penalty). Best bet is to arm yourself with knowledge of what competitors will offer you as a new customer say via Uswitch, MoneySupermarket, those meerkats etc, phone and ask to offer your 30 days notice, and see what they come up with. For real edge of the seat brinksmanship that might get you new customer pricing, cancel VM by recorded post and order a different ISP for installation at the end of your VM contract, and wait and see if you get an outbound retention call, then review - either reject that, or cancel the new ISP. But if you really want to stay, don't blame me if you miss that VM call, or it is never made. If you really are not prepared to move, then you need to be a good actor, because you play this sort of game every couple of years, the competent (ie UK based) retentions agents are trained in the art, motivated by incentives, and they play this game fifty times every day.
When you make the call (inbound) the agents generally have less leeway than outbound call agents phoning you and trying to retain a customer who has cancelled and is in the 30 day notice period. Because all retentions agents generally have a fixed discount budget in a given time period and a bonus based on tiered levels of customers retained, then there's no logic from your perspective to what they'll offer you - if they're already up to their maximum personal retention quota for the period, then there's no logic for them to offer you any discount, even though the agent next to them my be down on quota, and using their discount allowance very generously. And if phoning, remember that any offered deal only exists with that agent on that call. Put the phone down to think about it, and regardless of what the agent might say, the offer vanishes.
