I doubt many will be surprised to learn that I bitterly regret every day of the two and a half years, I've been a customer of Virgin Broadband. A more despicable business I hope I never encounter. Every single wretched encounter, seems designed to cause as much frustration and resentment as possible.
After dialing the new [ahem] 0345 number, the menu might as well offer me the chance to buy a pair of meat pyjamas as anything else, for all the good my choices will do.
The recording suggests I'd be better off using an SMS chatbot. After some hours I'm sent literal nonsense and links that er... don't work in an SMS.
Who knew?
After I "press 1 to take a hammer to your teeth" again, the recording now suggests I could cancel online and gives me an address.
But the page has moved.
Easy enough to figure out where the new "package upgrade" page is though. Except there is only a chirpy little message.
That tells me to phone instead.
So I "press 3 to eat a car battery" all over again and ultimately spend nearly ten hours on hold over the course of the next three evenings.
A bit less to be fair as I'm not "on hold", once I've been cut-off (twice this evening).
And now I learn my best bet is to write to them. Of course I can't just pop it in a letterbox at my convenience, because Virgin Broadband can't be trusted and I need to send it Recorded Delivery.
I'll probably spend my morning break queuing at the Post Office then. It'll be busier during my lunch break.
